What's Wrong With Steve?

Hey Steve,

Was that a little bit of Zeppelin’s “Fool In The Rain” during your Thorn drum solo at the Fillmore show I attended? Or just my imagination?

Thanks,

Derek

Derek

I don’t remember specifically, but there’s a pretty good chance that it was a bit of “Fool in the Rain” you heard me break into back at the Fillmore.

You see, I made an important decision years ago about my drumming – and that was to rip off John Bonham as much as possible, every single time I get the chance.  And you know, I get that chance quite often.

So, uh, yeah,  probably so.

SG

Dear Steve,

I am an enormous fan of your music, but somehow spinning Crowes albums ten to twenty times a day just doesn’t seem to answer some of life’s most difficult questions.

Thusly, I come to you directly asking for wisdom.

Is it wrong that a twenty year old young man be most physically attracted to women in their middle thirties? Certainly as young pup of thirteen, most of youthful energy was spent lusting after buxom young ladies in their early twenties. It stands to reason that as I am now seven years older, the demographic group of women that I find most attractive has also aged by seven years.

Does this mean that when I am in my fifties, I will desire women in their sixties?

Is this normal?

Concerned in Nashville

Concerned,

I can’t say whether or not this is “normal”, but assuming that you don’t have a lone, bloodshot eye smack in the center of your forehead and that you possess even the slightest amount of ambition, I can say you should never lack for female company.

And, you only need worry about your unique desires aging with you if you are uncomfortable in crowds, because a 50 year old man chasing 60 year old skirt is always the most popular guy in town.

SG

(Oh, and, if you’re still in Nashville when that time comes, make it easy on yourself – just hang out at the Picnic Cafe in Belle Meade around lunchtime.)

With Elian Gonzalez suddenly back in the news, I dug up this old Q and A from the 90′s.   That “life as a political pawn” line sure sounds pretty good now, huh?  Who’s smart now, huh?  HUH?

Dear Steve,

All weekend long I have tried to come to grips with our government’s behavior in the Elian Gonzalez case.  After watching the footage of what took place in Little Havana, the only thing running through my mind was, “What would Steven Gorman have done?  How would he have handled it?”

Oh, yeah, and what’s your favorite Zep tune to play with Jimmy Page?  I think you kick buttocks on ‘Out On The Tiles’.  Wow.

Flapjack

Flapjack

Well, I am glad you asked.  I, too, watched in amazement as our government bumbled through yet another blown P.R. assignment.  As the situation was playing itself out a few months ago, I saw nothing but disaster looming for little Elian as he was being groomed to spend the rest of his life as a political pawn.  Someone needed to take quick, decisive action.  The obvious solution hit me like a ton of bricks:  Shoot the little bastard!

Now, with the benefit of hindsight, I admit that this seems extreme.  But back when we were knee deep in this crisis, I saw only the following few unfortunate options for Elian, and  I thought whacking him now would save a lot of heartache down the road.

A:)  Elian spends the rest of his life in the U.S. walking around zombielike saying things like, “No, really, I was on TV, and everything.  The President said my name, man, the President said my name!  I am special, do you hear me?  Special!!!!” Every year his very extended family gets together for Elian Day and talks about how great he is.  Within a few years, they have forgotten what all of the fuss was originally about and they are all saying things like, “Man, if it weren’t for Elian, those puppies would have never made it out of that fire.” Gross.

B:)  Elian returns to Cuba.  The same scenario plays itself out just as above, except in Spanish, and with less, albeit equally delicious, food.

Of course, there might very well have been another possibility.  That might be that Elian returns to Cuba, quietly resumes his life with his loving father, and goes on to become a family man himself, content with the knowledge that there is nothing more sacred than a parent’s love.

Well, come to think of it, I guess that is not so bad.  What the hell do I know about international custody matters?  I’m just a rocker, man!  Next question!

My favorite Zep tune to play with Jimmy Page is all of them.

SG

Hi Steve,

Love the band. Best memory was you pointing at me and smiling as I hugged my wife to “By Your Side” in Farmington, NM.

Anyway, having a dilemma here:  Arguing which Beatle was the better songwriter. Who do you think it is, and why?

Love the sports show!!

Let’s get another TBC album soon, last 2 were fantastic!!

Oliver

Dear Steve,

What is the best Beatles album and why?

Matt

Gentlemen

Sorry for the “two for one” answer, but I think it best to go over this just once.

My answer to both of your queries would be “whichever one you’re listening to”.

When I hear “Abbey Road”, I say to myself, “Now, THIS is easily the best Beatles album”. Or when I hear the song “Something”, I say to myself, “George wrote the perfect love song – he’s really the best writer”.

But then, I’ll play “Revolver” and think “Wow – no one has ever topped this album! “She Said She Said” is probably the coolest rock song ever!  John is the man!”

Of course, some days I put on “Help” and marvel at the energy they could summon as a live band, recording whole albums in just hours.  “Yesterday” comes on and I can’t imagine another 22 year old writing such a poignant song.  Paul is clearly the one.

(And then of course, I’ll be grinding through the “White Album” and when “Don’t Pass Me By” comes on…well…um…I am stunned at the fact that they let Ringo write songs.  Sorry, Ringo – you know I love you – but this is a three horse race.)

See?  it’s not too difficult.  Just go with what’s on the stereo at any given time.

Those bastards were simply so good that no matter what you’re listening to, it does the job.

SG