Steve,
I’m coming to you with a question that has been tearing my school apart for the past 2 years. In a fight between a cheetah and a hippopotamus who would come out victorious? Keep in mind that this fight would take place in an arena that appeals to both of the creatures habitats. By this i mean half is a “wetland”-esque setting, and the other half is an African plain setting.
Brian
Brian
I don’t know where you go to school, but I do know that it’s MY kind of school. This is just the sort of dilemma kids need to focus on nowadays to stay awake through algebra.
I appreciate the fact that you are giving each combatant a potentially advantageous setting for this two round bout. It shows that you care enough to get the most out of this contest and that you appreciate a fair fight.
But, as I see it, your effort is moot – the hippo wins hands down.
No matter how you slice it or dice it, that cheetah is going down; most likely with a large number of broken bones and two lungs full of water.
Let’s look at a few facts about each species:
The average adult male cheetah weighs in anywhere from 130-150 pounds. Let’s call it 150, just for shits and giggles. The average adult male hippo weighs in anywhere between 3500 – 4000 pounds. (Older males, of course, have checked in at well over 7000 pounds, but we’ll pick a bull in his prime for this bout.) Let’s say our boy tips the scales at 3750 pounds. That puts him at 25 times the cheetah’s weight! Think about it for a second. Are you worried about anything (non- venomous) that’s 1/25th of your weight?
Something else to consider: Cheetahs have no idea how to fight! They run away from their natural predators. When’s the last time anyone caught a cheetah? They lose up to 50% of their kills to other predators (mostly those nagging hyenas) because they don’t have it in them to fight back. They are well known to avoid competition when hunting, and, when successful, they have to immediately eat what they kill or risk losing it.
Hippos? Well, Brian, they’re just shithouse crazy. Hippos regularly attack crocodiles, boats, humans, and anything else that comes too close. They are simply aggressive by nature. Not to mention the fact that they are retromingent and have a tendency to defecate in as wide an area as possible to mark territory.
And finally, not only is the hippo much larger and far more aggressive, he is able to compete both on land and in water. The cheetah only swims when absolutely necessary, and has dismal form when doing so.
Ultimately, what we have here is a mismatch of epic proportions.
Let’s picture each scene: On land, the cheetah’s only chance is to get on the hippo’s back and try to tear into the back of the neck to damage his spinal cord. The hippo’s thick skin is all but impervious to this sort of advance, and he simply has to shake himself violently to throw the cheetah off. As the cheetah closes in, the hippo simply swings his hips or turns his head away to ward off the attack. With every advance, the hippo simply adjusts his stance and the cheetah bounces off. (Of course, if the cheetah makes even a single error in judgement and ends up sprawled on his side, the hippo – with a surprising bust of his own quickness- will stomp down on the cheetah, crushing internal organs and possibly killing him instantly.)
This goes on for three minutes, the bell rings, and we’ve seen a little something that actually originated in Zaire – the Rope A Dope – played to perfection.
As soon as these warriors move to the water, the end is nigh. The cheetah flails wildly in an attempt to keep his head above water at all costs, and the hippo calmly submerges himself and then pushes off from the bottom, hurtling himself toward the wild eyed, panicking cat. As the hippo opens his ludicrously large mouth full of those insanely oversized teeth, chomps down on the cheetah’s leg, and drags the poor cat underwater with him, it’s over. The cheetah has no concept of holding his breath. He is drowned almost instantly.
The cheetah’s trainer throws in the towel, and the crowd erupts in cheers – Hippo, Boom Ba Yay!
SG