What's Wrong With Steve?

Steve,

Here’s my problem: What is up with down vests? I’ve had one in my closet that I recieved as a gift from my sister. Do I just go around and freeze my arms off ? What does this say about my family members? How am I supposed to “rock” this vest? Am I missing something?

Thanks for your help,

Steve

Steve

You’re not missing anything.  Down vests have long been recognized as one of the more bewildering gifts once can receive.

Three thoughts occur to me:

1)  You need to get rid of that thing.

2)  You need to protect your sister’s feelings.

3)  You need to make sure she doesn’t try to replace it.

With that in mind, I would create some sort of story involving you, the vest, a burning school bus, a ticking clock, your gratitude at having been “at the right place at the right time”, the fact that replacing the heroically destroyed vest would bring back painful memories, and whatever else you think is appropriate.

You know, something honest and simple.

Good luck, and good riddance!

SG

Steve,

On October 14 you disrespected Jersey. Whats your beef with The Garden State? Are you just looking for a beat down? Maybe if you guys didnt play the shittest venues the state has to offer you would have a different opinion.

Love the new tunes.

Peace,

Craig

Craig

Thanks for reassuring me that my (and everyone else on earth’s) take on New Jersey was accurate.

Cheers!

SG

Dear Steve,

Congratulations (in advance) on the upcoming 20th anniversary of the Black Crowes!

Speaking of anniversaries, this year marks the 50th year of the Gibb brothers’ first performance under the name “The Bee Gees.” I’ve lately spent time mining pop music gems from their run of ten (!!) albums from ‘67 (”1st”) through ‘74 (”Mr. Natural”), a remarkable period of creativity and songwriting for any band, ever.

On that note, I have a two-part question for you:

1. Who is your favorite Bee Gee, and why?

2. What is your favorite Bee Gees album of all time, and why?

Many thanks,

Jim

Jim

Thank you for your congratulations in advance.  Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, though.  We take it an hour at a time around here.

I agree with your assessment of the Bee Gees’ output from ‘67 to ‘74, but I would remove the end date and extend it indefinitely.

To your queries:

1)  Barry, of course.  Anyone on earth who says otherwise is kidding themselves and trying to be different for reasons that aren’t worth contemplating.  Barry was, and is, THE MAN.

2)   “Two Years On”.  I am not saying it’s the best album they made, but it’s the first album I ever owned, and therefore my favorite.

I won it as a door prize at my brother Zeppo’s community college basketball game shortly after it was released.  I was five years old.  I listened to that album over and over (and over and over and over) for weeks.  Another older brother, Gummo, quickly tired of my endless Bee Gees marathon.  In an attempt to “redirect” me, he offered me his copies of “Meet the Beatles”, “Help”, and “Rubber Soul”.  That didn’t suck, either.  When I was five years old, it was a very good year.

Incidentally, the hit single from “Two Years On” was “Lonely Days”.  Robin had just returned to the band after a disastrous attempt at a solo career, and to mark his return, the brothers wrote “Lonely Days” and “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart” in the same weekend.  Call me crazy, but I’d say that’s a pretty good use of a 48 hour block of time.

SG

Steve,

My uncle and I argue a lot about sports and things being fixed by the powers that be.

Examples cited include the Steelers-Indianapolis playoff game (actually, the entire 2006 playoffs), Ireland approving the Lisbon Treaty, a few World Cup matches, senators giving themselves pay raises, etc.

The prevailing thought is that where there is money and power at stake, there will be tinkering.

Where do you come down on this issue?

And should Thierry Henry recuse himself from the World Cup?

Thanks,

Mike

Mike

Tinkering when money and power is at stake?  What, other than the recorded history of the human race offering literally thousands upon thousands of examples of this being the norm, would give you that idea?

Should Thierry Henry recuse himself from the World Cup?

Did Michael Jordan recuse himself when he flung Bryon Russell out of his way to hit that game winning jump shot?  Of course not!  The ref didn’t blow the whistle, and Jordan won an NBA championship.

Did Tom Brady recuse himself when he clearly fumbled against the Raiders?  Of course not!  The ref made the wrong call, the Pats retained possession, and Brady went on to win his first Super Bowl.

Did Derek Jeter renounce his home run when that snot nosed punk Jeffrey Maier ruined the Orioles (and my) post season in ‘96?  Of course not!  Jeter rounded the bases happily and the Yankees went on to win the World Series.

Hey, wait a sec-I have just given the first three examples off the top of my head that apply here, and in all three cases, the team that benefited from a ref’s mistake went on to win the championships they were competing for.

Guess I’m betting the farm on France next summer!

Viva les bleus!

SG

Steve,

I’ve become a HUGE fan of the Black Crowes and Ludwig drums over the past couple months. Two things you’re quite passionate about if I’m not mistaken. I’ll be there at the Fillmore SF enjoying good music and good buds.

Anyways, I need advice. There’s this girl at my school. She’s a grade younger than me so she should be an easier fish to catch, but I have no idea what to say to her. She’s new to my school and doesn’t know any of my friends because she is a grade below ours. (Doesn’t look it though .

I’m just chickening out. I’ve had no past problems with talking to girls and have had several girlfriends. I pass her everyday at school and it’s getting quite awkward.

What do u think would be a good opener?

Some words of advice would be helpful.

Brian

Brian

It’s always great to hear from a new fan.  Welcome to the fold!

First things first, get over the “easy fish to catch” business.  That line of thinking will just get in the way, and also happens to be pig headed and demeaning.

That said, your best option is to go “Lloyd Dobler”.  Which is to say, let her know directly and in no uncertain terms (possibly in a hand written note if you can’t say it face to face – but NOT a text or a Facebook post) that you would love to get to know her and that you are struggling with how to best make that happen.  Honesty is key here.  If she has any reservations, or is uncomfortable, let her know you won’t bug her again.  And, mean it.

If you aren’t following me, go rent “Say Anything”.  It’s one of those movies that Cameron Crowe made when he still knew how to make good movies.  Let’s see, there was “Say Anything”, and, um…well…uh…I guess that was really about it.  Okay, so he made one good movie.  That’s still more than most of us can say.  Anyway, check it out.

I’m not suggesting that you need to take up kick-boxing or start wearing London Fog overcoats, but wearing your heart on your sleeve and being a chivalrous and considerate young man are fine attributes to adopt.

If the young lady in question isn’t interested in you, then respectfully move on, knowing the right girl will appear sooner or later.

It’ll all be okay.

And, yes, I know that’s easy for me to say…that’s why I am saying it.

SG

Kenn S.

I am not posting your question out of respect for anyone who may innocently stumble upon your letter and find themselves as confused, horrified, and nauseous as I am now.

But I will offer you this advice:  Emigrate to another country, change your name, and never get online again.

And for the love of God, man, stay the hell away from Italian greyhounds!

Good luck!

SG

Dear Steve,

I grew up in NC, but now reside in London. As a lifelong Arsenal fan, drummer, and Black Crowes fan, I’ve always felt a certain connection with you, man. Thanks for kickin out that inimitable groove for all these years. Love the new album…

Can you please recount the tale of when you decided to become a Gooner?

Football/Soccer is not always the most appreciated sport in the States. What originally got you into it?

Best wishes,

GoonerTom from London, In Arsene We Trust

GoonerTom

It’s a pretty simple tale.

As a soccer mad young lad in a small Kentucky town in the late 70’s (thankfully attending the only school in the region to field a soccer team) the only resources for insight on the sport were my coach, who had spent time in Europe and was therefore, to me, infallible in the ways of soccer, and  PBS’ “Soccer Made in Germany”. Coach Vaughn taught me to love the Total Football of the Dutch National Team, and Toby Charles taught me to say things like “that shot was high, wide, and not very handsome!”

Believe me when I say it – that was more than enough to ignite some serious passion.  Information about the beautiful game came very infrequently, and in very small doses.  The slightest tidbit about any development within any team on earth would keep me going for months.

Around this time, the NASL blew up quickly and died just as quickly – but in between many of their games were nationally televised, and through the focus on the international players in the league, I learned a little about the different powerhouse clubs throughout the world.

My father took a business trip to the UK at some point (’77, I believe) and returned with three scarves – an Arsenal scarf, a Chelsea scarf, and an England scarf.  He told me and my two brothers (let’s call them Chico and Harpo) to decide amongst ourselves who got what scarf.

As a Beatles fanatic, I remember being disappointed that Liverpool was not represented.  Had there been a Reds’ scarf,  I would have been done from that moment on.  But, fate had other plans.

I immediately ruled out Chelsea, as I had seen an episode of The Goodies (also on PBS) where the term “Chelsea supporter” had been used as a debilitating insult.  (That’s a debt I could never possibly repay The Goodies, come to think of it.)  Chico grabbed the Chelsea scarf without thought or hesitation, as was his way.

The Arsenal scarf leapt out at me – that cannon was undeniably badass!

But Harpo grabbed it before I could, and as he was four years older than me I had no chance of overpowering him for it.

That left me with the England scarf.  Which was still, make no mistake, pretty cool.  But I knew right then and there that the Arsenal scarf would be mine one day.  I commenced plotting Harpo’s demise immediately.

Ultimately, as older brothers do, he went off to college…and didn’t pack the scarf.  The screen door had barely hit his ass on the way out, as they say, before I procured it from his room.  The years spent waiting for it only made it that much more important to me.  By the time I hung it on my own wall, there was no looking back.  I was gonna live and die with Arsenal.

At some point in the early 80’s, I found out that Arsenal was in London (who knew?)  and that apparently they really, really liked to beat people 1-0.  Again, that was enough to keep my fan flames well ignited.

By the time the 90’s rolled around, and I found myself touring in Europe every couple of years, I was finally able to satisfy my longtime desire to see world class football in person.  I started taking in games whenever and wherever I could.  I didn’t care who was playing, or what country I was in.  If there was a match in town, I was there.

My first trip to Highbury was obviously the all-time highlight, though.  To see the team in person, on such hallowed ground, was both moving and spectacular.  Years of anticipation crashed into a jet-lagged hangover head on, but it still made for a wonderful, blurry memory.

Shortly thereafter, when Bergkamp signed on, it felt like destiny was looking out for me.  One of the great Dutch players of the age playing for Arsenal!  It was awesome!  The first time I found myself singing/screaming “Walking in a Bergkamp Wonderland” with thousands of other similarly afflicted gooners was about as good as life gets.

What else?

Let’s see…Thierry Henry and I share a birthday.   How cool is that?

Cesc Fabregas is a distant relative.  (Not really.)

I could go on and on.

Well, I guess I just did.

So, there you have it.

Highbury!

Arsene's chair!

Cheers!

GoonerSteve from Kentucky, In Arsene We Trust

Dear Steve,

My housemate in college stole all of my Black Crowes CDs, which were all of the Black Crowes CDs to date, leaving me with my less desirable rock collection (except for Led Zeppelin’s box set).

I don’t know anything more painful than re-buying stolen CDs, but as I slowly recollect my favorite band’s music, this time digitally, I wonder … what sort of karma does this rock-thieving guy deserve?

Cassie

Cassie

I don’t feel comfortable discussing someone’s comeuppance in karmic terms, but in order for some sense of equivalence to be achieved, it seems he would have to be the victim of music theft himself.  But in life, things are rarely that simple, and I would never suggest you consider any criminal activity for any reason.

The best thing to do is focus on getting your music back, which you are already doing, and forget all about this guy.  His existence isn’t worth the energy you’re spending on it.  Move on, Cassie.

Of course, by “move on”, I mean you should write back with his name and a current address so I can post it here and then everyone who reads this column will know who he is and where he lives.

That’s the kind of “moving on” that all of us here at WWWS can really get behind.

I look forward to hearing from you again soon.

SG

Hey Steve,

First things first, great work on the new records !! I’m always inspired by your playing.

I have two questions:

1)  Any tips on perfecting The Purdie Shuffle ?? That thing is killin’ me !!

2)  Why is it that whenever a drum key is dropped, it ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS ends up under the kick pedal??

I’ll bet all those socks from the dryer are under there too !!

Thanks,

Matthew

Matthew

Thanks for the kind words about my drumming on the new record.

As for your questions:

1)  Any tips?  No.  The Purdie shuffle is not to be “perfected”.  The Purdie shuffle is to be interpreted.  Whatever you are doing with it currently is what it should be.  If it changes over time, that’s okay too.  Do it your way and dig it.

2)  I don’t know why that happens, but that’s one of the reasons I always have about forty eight drum keys on me at all times.  My kick pedal is like a 45 Tesla hyrbid strength magnet for drum keys.  My pockets are black holes for drum keys.  My stick bag eats drum keys.  It’s heartbreaking.

Drum keys are clearly not meant to be held onto.  They show up, do their job briefly, and they’re gone.  Kinda like Mary Poppins, that heartless tease.

SG

Dear Steve,

I’ve listened to tons and tons of TBC bootlegs over the years. I don’t think I can recall one moment where you have glaringly messed up. You always seem to be right there. I mean, let’s face it, you’re surrounded by what I would call “bearded distractions” or even clowns, if you like. I can’t imagine not ever losing your train of thought or thinking the song is going to the bridge instead of the chorus and then musically depantsing yourself as a result. Is it your experiences in sports that have helped you gild a fine armor of accuracy and precision? Perhaps it’s a beer-a-day mantra that keeps it solid? Or maybe, you go with the tried and true “Roseanne Barr naked” silent chant that perpetuates this machine-like consistency? It is impressive.

Jinxes don’t exist,

Lincoln

Lincoln

I honestly don’t know how it is that I am so completely badass.  I guess all those sports I played could have helped somehow, but then again perhaps my time in a community theater group as a kid helped, too.  Maybe it was the summer I spent as a counselor at Camp Happy Days in Bowling Green, Ky.  Perhaps my time spent filing updates in legal journals as a member of the Executive Library Services staff back in ‘88 has something to do with it.  Hell, maybe it’s a combination of all my life experiences that have added up to me being one significantly consistent rock n roll drummer.  Who knows?  Not I.

But I do know one thing – there is no reason to mention “Roseanne Barr” and “naked” in the same sentence.  I don’t know what you’re referring to, and I don’t want to know.

Please, Lincoln, and anyone else reading this, think before you send in things like that.  It’s not like I have a proof reader here, you know.  I just ate for crying out loud.

SG