What's Wrong With Steve?

Hello Mr. Gorman,

Is it acceptable to have a ‘man-crush’ on a professional athlete? For

instance, I have an affinity for Mr. Derek Jeter and have thus become

confused. Is it wrong that i wish i was with him all the time? Is it wrong

that I say to myself , “I bet he looks great in a speedo”?

I think it might be. But i am not sure. Any help would be appreciated.

THANKS STEVE.

Peace,

Dave

Dave

Relax, Dave, no confusion necessary.  It’s perfectly acceptable, within the confines of your very active imagination, to have a “man crush” on Derek Jeter.   He’s the best of his generation – all that’s right about baseball – and if you must have this sort of fixation on someone, I think you’ve chosen well.

It might help you to know that I also was briefly fixated on Derek Jeter, back in the fall of 1996.  The Yankees had beaten both of my teams (Orioles and Braves) on their way to a championship, and like you now, I couldn’t get Jeter out of my mind.

Unlike you, though, I wasn’t picturing Derek in a speedo.  I was picturing him in an ambulance holding his knee screaming, “Why me?” a la Nancy Kerrigan.  Yes, Dave, I was actually considering going Gillooly on him.

As I watched Wade Boggs on that godforsaken horse trot around the House That Ruth Built, I recognized immediately and with a heavy heart that ’96 was just the beginning of what was sure to be a dark chapter in my life.  What should have been the dawn of a bright and beautiful Atlanta Braves dynasty (tears are starting to well up as I write this) was showing itself instead to be a rebirth of the same old horrible, rotten Yankees dynasty.  It was too much to take.  And I blamed Jeter.  And, dammit, I still do.

But, and this is the most important part, Dave – this has all stayed well within the confines of my very active imagination.

No harm done.

Keep it to yourself, fella.

SG

Hey Steve,

First I must say that “Been a Long Time” rocks my balls like few songs can. Rarely do songs come along that will hold the test of time. I will rock that one until death do us part.

But now-a-days I have a problem with what I find myself listening to. I get in these phases where I am so curious about music that I have to search online for answers. I hate that I waste a ton of time listening to crap to find out why it was so popular or what these people are doing today. I suppose it leads back to my early days of radio and my crappy beginnings of record collecting.

Today I was thinking “What the hell happened to Steve Perry of Journey?” I know, the first thing that comes to mind is “Who give a shit?” But my mind said “no” and off I went to Wikipedia and that is where it all branched out and turned my day into Journey research. I can say proudly that I never owned a Journey album but I did own the 1st Foreigner record. When Infinity came out I was blown away but I could not buy it. At that time I was heading into the punk scene and the kid I got a ride to school with was always cranking it full blast in the car through the worst car stereo available at the time. No need to buy that. I never dreamed that I would hear it on classic rock for the next millennium..

So now after listening to all those early Journey albums (OK I could not make it all the way through most) before Steve Perry and after I am wondering if I am better off than I was yesterday. I have killed my craving to know what happened to Steve Perry but am I better off or did I just waste some life on a band I will try to never listen to again?

I did find out that some of these guys came from Santana. Here’s a fact worth a mention from Wikipedia: “Drummer Aynsley Dunbar played with John Mayall, Frank Zappa, Ian Hunter, Lou Reed, Jefferson Starship, Jeff Beck, David Bowie, Whitesnake, Sammy Hagar, UFO, and Journey and did not get along with singer Steve Perry and did not approve of the new musical direction.” That is a crazy roster of famous bands/acts. The guy must be pretty good.

Question: Was it a waste of time listenening to the Journey records today or was I adding to my musical knowledge?

Now listening to Quincy Jones and His Orchestra “Soul Bossa Nova”. We all know why this is great.

Cheers,

Scott

Scott

I am glad to hear that “Been a Long Time” rocks your balls, and I am also thankful that you didn’t feel compelled to explain any further.

Was it a waste of time?  Were you adding to your musical knowledge?  Who cares?

Scott, take a look at the big picture here – you had a Steve Perry question and you were able to drop everything and pursue an answer for at least an hour!  Then, you had time to question what it all means and send me a long winded letter wherein you over-explain yourself, which most likely took another hour out of your day!  This tells me that you are either homeless (which I doubt, as I think you would have mentioned it in several paragraphs of back story) or you are your own boss.  Who else has that kind of time?

And to top it all off, now you’re listening to Quincy Jones while trying to figure it all out!

You’re living the dream, baby!  Stop sweating the details!

SG

Hi Steve,

So, the wife and I have 3 kids (9yo, 17mo and 2mo). Well after the birth of our first, we were told by “smart” doctors that we would never have another child. The joke was on them and us…I guess. We’ve now had 2 more in less than 2 years. It was a great surprise to be honest.

Now with 3 boys we decided it was time to shut down the baby machine.

So, today I went under the knife and am currently icing my nether region and am on some nice pain meds.

My question is: For how long can I milk my post-op lounging and getting high legally before feeling guilty about my wife juggling the 3 kids? A weekend seems fair to me.

Seedless in Raleigh

Seedless

You can milk it for however long you can hold a bag of ice on your “nether region”.

If that’s a weekend, so be it.

If you can go longer, let ‘er rip.

It’s not like you can try this schtick again next year, so make the most of this blessed opportunity.

SG

Steve,

Long time listener, 1st time…..oh wait, wrong forum?

Anyway, I have been blessed with 2 beautiful daughters, ages 7 & 4. While they seem to have received my love of music, they don’t exactly share my tastes. They’re more into Hannah Montana, Taylor Swift, Jonas Bros, etc.

Due to countless hours of listening in the car, I’m ashamed to admit that I know all the words to their songs too. I have tried to interest them in some Crowes but all they seem to like is Sleepyheads.

Any advice?

Concerned Father

Concerned Father

Stop worrying, my man.  It’s perfectly acceptable and also perfectly appropriate that you know all these songs.  My kids are older than yours, and they have moved on musically, but I can still knock out a lengthy Wiggles medley at the drop of a hat if need be.

Let them listen to all the kids music they want.  Before you know it, your beautiful daughters will be listening to bands that make Slipknot look like a gospel choir, so what’s the rush?

Savor “Burnin’ Up” and “True Friend” and all that other crap while you can.  THESE are the good ol’ days, my man.

SG

Steve,

Here’s my problem: What is up with down vests? I’ve had one in my closet that I recieved as a gift from my sister. Do I just go around and freeze my arms off ? What does this say about my family members? How am I supposed to “rock” this vest? Am I missing something?

Thanks for your help,

Steve

Steve

You’re not missing anything.  Down vests have long been recognized as one of the more bewildering gifts once can receive.

Three thoughts occur to me:

1)  You need to get rid of that thing.

2)  You need to protect your sister’s feelings.

3)  You need to make sure she doesn’t try to replace it.

With that in mind, I would create some sort of story involving you, the vest, a burning school bus, a ticking clock, your gratitude at having been “at the right place at the right time”, the fact that replacing the heroically destroyed vest would bring back painful memories, and whatever else you think is appropriate.

You know, something honest and simple.

Good luck, and good riddance!

SG

Steve,

On October 14 you disrespected Jersey. Whats your beef with The Garden State? Are you just looking for a beat down? Maybe if you guys didnt play the shittest venues the state has to offer you would have a different opinion.

Love the new tunes.

Peace,

Craig

Craig

Thanks for reassuring me that my (and everyone else on earth’s) take on New Jersey was accurate.

Cheers!

SG

Dear Steve,

Congratulations (in advance) on the upcoming 20th anniversary of the Black Crowes!

Speaking of anniversaries, this year marks the 50th year of the Gibb brothers’ first performance under the name “The Bee Gees.” I’ve lately spent time mining pop music gems from their run of ten (!!) albums from ’67 (“1st”) through ’74 (“Mr. Natural”), a remarkable period of creativity and songwriting for any band, ever.

On that note, I have a two-part question for you:

1. Who is your favorite Bee Gee, and why?

2. What is your favorite Bee Gees album of all time, and why?

Many thanks,

Jim

Jim

Thank you for your congratulations in advance.  Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, though.  We take it an hour at a time around here.

I agree with your assessment of the Bee Gees’ output from ’67 to ’74, but I would remove the end date and extend it indefinitely.

To your queries:

1)  Barry, of course.  Anyone on earth who says otherwise is kidding themselves and trying to be different for reasons that aren’t worth contemplating.  Barry was, and is, THE MAN.

2)   “Two Years On”.  I am not saying it’s the best album they made, but it’s the first album I ever owned, and therefore my favorite.

I won it as a door prize at my brother Zeppo’s community college basketball game shortly after it was released.  I was five years old.  I listened to that album over and over (and over and over and over) for weeks.  Another older brother, Gummo, quickly tired of my endless Bee Gees marathon.  In an attempt to “redirect” me, he offered me his copies of “Meet the Beatles”, “Help”, and “Rubber Soul”.  That didn’t suck, either.  When I was five years old, it was a very good year.

Incidentally, the hit single from “Two Years On” was “Lonely Days”.  Robin had just returned to the band after a disastrous attempt at a solo career, and to mark his return, the brothers wrote “Lonely Days” and “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart” in the same weekend.  Call me crazy, but I’d say that’s a pretty good use of a 48 hour block of time.

SG

Steve,

My uncle and I argue a lot about sports and things being fixed by the powers that be.

Examples cited include the Steelers-Indianapolis playoff game (actually, the entire 2006 playoffs), Ireland approving the Lisbon Treaty, a few World Cup matches, senators giving themselves pay raises, etc.

The prevailing thought is that where there is money and power at stake, there will be tinkering.

Where do you come down on this issue?

And should Thierry Henry recuse himself from the World Cup?

Thanks,

Mike

Mike

Tinkering when money and power is at stake?  What, other than the recorded history of the human race offering literally thousands upon thousands of examples of this being the norm, would give you that idea?

Should Thierry Henry recuse himself from the World Cup?

Did Michael Jordan recuse himself when he flung Bryon Russell out of his way to hit that game winning jump shot?  Of course not!  The ref didn’t blow the whistle, and Jordan won an NBA championship.

Did Tom Brady recuse himself when he clearly fumbled against the Raiders?  Of course not!  The ref made the wrong call, the Pats retained possession, and Brady went on to win his first Super Bowl.

Did Derek Jeter renounce his home run when that snot nosed punk Jeffrey Maier ruined the Orioles (and my) post season in ’96?  Of course not!  Jeter rounded the bases happily and the Yankees went on to win the World Series.

Hey, wait a sec-I have just given the first three examples off the top of my head that apply here, and in all three cases, the team that benefited from a ref’s mistake went on to win the championships they were competing for.

Guess I’m betting the farm on France next summer!

Viva les bleus!

SG

Steve,

I’ve become a HUGE fan of the Black Crowes and Ludwig drums over the past couple months. Two things you’re quite passionate about if I’m not mistaken. I’ll be there at the Fillmore SF enjoying good music and good buds.

Anyways, I need advice. There’s this girl at my school. She’s a grade younger than me so she should be an easier fish to catch, but I have no idea what to say to her. She’s new to my school and doesn’t know any of my friends because she is a grade below ours. (Doesn’t look it though .

I’m just chickening out. I’ve had no past problems with talking to girls and have had several girlfriends. I pass her everyday at school and it’s getting quite awkward.

What do u think would be a good opener?

Some words of advice would be helpful.

Brian

Brian

It’s always great to hear from a new fan.  Welcome to the fold!

First things first, get over the “easy fish to catch” business.  That line of thinking will just get in the way, and also happens to be pig headed and demeaning.

That said, your best option is to go “Lloyd Dobler”.  Which is to say, let her know directly and in no uncertain terms (possibly in a hand written note if you can’t say it face to face – but NOT a text or a Facebook post) that you would love to get to know her and that you are struggling with how to best make that happen.  Honesty is key here.  If she has any reservations, or is uncomfortable, let her know you won’t bug her again.  And, mean it.

If you aren’t following me, go rent “Say Anything”.  It’s one of those movies that Cameron Crowe made when he still knew how to make good movies.  Let’s see, there was “Say Anything”, and, um…well…uh…I guess that was really about it.  Okay, so he made one good movie.  That’s still more than most of us can say.  Anyway, check it out.

I’m not suggesting that you need to take up kick-boxing or start wearing London Fog overcoats, but wearing your heart on your sleeve and being a chivalrous and considerate young man are fine attributes to adopt.

If the young lady in question isn’t interested in you, then respectfully move on, knowing the right girl will appear sooner or later.

It’ll all be okay.

And, yes, I know that’s easy for me to say…that’s why I am saying it.

SG

Kenn S.

I am not posting your question out of respect for anyone who may innocently stumble upon your letter and find themselves as confused, horrified, and nauseous as I am now.

But I will offer you this advice:  Emigrate to another country, change your name, and never get online again.

And for the love of God, man, stay the hell away from Italian greyhounds!

Good luck!

SG