What's Wrong With Steve?

Steve,

There is this girl I am really in love with, and we have hit it off well. The problem is, the last three guys she was with treated her so bad she’s scared to death of any kind of commitment and freaks out at the slightest major issue that comes up.

How do I reassure her that everything’s OK and that I”m not going anywhere, while still keeping her from freaking out?

I-gotz-a-skittish-lady,

Raleigh NC

Raleigh NC

First things first -do yourself a favor and immediately run to the Char-Grill on Hillsborough Street for a burger.  And don’t screw around – get that monster half pound hamburger steak and load it up with everything they got.  Relief from emotional duress is always, always just a Char-Grill away.  I have often wondered how much better my life would be if I could get to a Char-Grill every time I needed one.

(The preceding was not a paid endorsement for the Char-Grill.  But, if the good people at Char-Grill are paying attention, we can certainly cut some sort of a deal.  Just let me know, folks.)

Okay, let’s get down to business: you’re saying that you’re in love with a girl, but that she “freaks out at the slightest major issue that comes up”.

Ask yourself a few questions:

1)  Am I really in love with this woman?

2)  Or am I actually in love with the woman I think she will be if she gets her shit together?

3)  Why has she allowed three straight guys to treat her poorly?  (Why didn’t she learn her lesson the first time around?)

4)  If I “get” this girl, will the thrill of the hunt prove to have been the real attraction?

5)  Why didn’t I back away at the first sign of her being a “skittish lady”?

6)  What would be the best condiment combo for that burger Steve recommended?  Mustard + Mayo?  Mustard + Ketchup?  Ketchup and Mayo?  All three?

Only you can answer these questions, of course.

All I can do is suggest you take an honest assessment of your feelings and intentions and try to determine if this relationship is in your best interest.  There is no point in pursuing something that isn’t ultimately good for you.

Oh, and make sure you do that whole honest assessment thing at the Char-Grill on Hillsborough Street.  I am telling you, man, it’ll set you free!  I don’t know what part of town you live in, and yes they have other locations that might be more convenient, but go to the original.  Tell them I sent you.  And then ask them if they want to sign me on in some sort of mutually beneficial endorsement situation.

Good luck!  Don’t let that burger get the best of you.  Pace yourself.  Savor the experience.

SG

Oh yeah, and good luck with that woman thing too.

Steve

What is your favorite form of vengeance?  And when seeking said vengeance do you enjoy enacting an “evil plot” or do you go for quick and dirty?  Physical violence, property destruction or mental torture?

I’ve always enjoyed the Amish non violent classic, shunning.  There is nothing finer than pretending that someone doesn’t exist, TO THEIR FACE!

However, I realize that there are some other really amazing forms of vengeance.  I’m consulting you on this one because not only are you a drummer but you also have brothers which clearly denotes expertise in this field.

Emily

Emily

I agree that Amish shunning has a certain flair that’s initially attractive, but I think that to be effective this shunning thing requires more of a community effort, and who has the time and/or energy to convince an entire farming village to ignore someone?  Certainly not me.

And while it’s true that I grew up in a “quick and dirty” household with five older brothers, I have mellowed with age and I now operate with a formula that suits the mature state of mind that I have worked long and hard to achieve.

I stick with the old adage, “vengeance is a dish best served cold”.  However, I take it one step further and serve my vengeance completely frozen to the bone.  Which is to say, I serve my vengeance so long after the fact that the person who wronged me not only doesn’t see my vengeance coming, but has most likely completely forgotten that I exist.

Currently, I am moving through my middle school list of grievances,  striking back against those who wronged me at anytime between the summer of 1977 and the summer of 1979.   And, Emily, it’s a long and painful list, as adolescence was no easier for me than anyone else, I assure you.  Fortunately, my memory burns as brightly as the sun, and payback is currently due for each and every insult and slight I suffered at the hands of my so called “friends” during that period of time I refer to as “when hell was in session”.

Thanks to internet social networking, a plethora of free time on my hands, and a hole in my soul the size of Nevada, I am able to track these people down quite easily and heartlessly deliver what I call “blasts from the past”.

It’s beautiful.  They never, ever know what hit them.

A measured, mature response does indeed have its advantages.

That’s all for now – I gotta go as I am currently knee deep in the case of a certain point guard who wouldn’t pass to a certain wide open forward with four seconds to go in the last game of the 8th grade season against The Clarksville Academy because of something a certain cheerleader (who swore to a certain forward that she could keep a secret) had told a certain point guard about a certain forward’s feelings about a certain point guard’s maniacal ball-hogging.

Measured, mature.

SG

VINTAGE WWWS

Dear Steve,

My friend and I both have blind dates coming up.  We realize you’re married now but wondered if you could harken back to your single days to offer us some advice:  How did you overcome first date jitters?  Oh, and how far did you expect to get on a first date?

Just wondering,

Sabrina and Kelly

Sabrina and Kelly

I am not sure which way to go with this question.  I am a little concerned because I don’t know how old you ladies are, and therefore I am hesitant to answer in my usual free-wheeling, damn the torpedoes manner.

But…. what the hell – here goes!

I never experienced the so called “first date jitters”, simply because I always refused to acknowledge that the social situation in question was in fact, a date.  I preferred to say simply, “We’re just hanging out.”  That alone removed a tremendous amount of pressure.  I was then free to be me – to try to be as funny as possible, rendering the woman incapable of resisting my charms.

On a good night, this usually led to sex.  On a bad night, when I couldn’t quite get on a roll, I didn’t stress out over it because, as I already said, “We were just hanging out.” Of course, those nights usually led to sex also, but without as much hootin’and hollerin’.  C’est la vie.

I guess that answers both of your questions, come to think of it.  Good luck!!

SG

Dear Steve

Will you marry me?  I have a tongue ring.

K.S.

K.S.

Not only will I marry you, my darling, but I will spend each and every moment for the rest of my up until now meaningless life trying to give you the happiest, most carefree, uplifting, challenging, spiritually enlightening, exciting, and of course, infection free existence that you and that tongue ring of yours could ever possibly imagine!

And that is just for starters.  Once we get rolling, why we’ll…wait, hold on a second…my wife says no.

SG

Steve,

I loved your version of “I Wanna Be Your Man”.  What are your impressions of Ringo’s drumming?  Or just the Beatles overall?

Steve

Steve

My impressions of Ringo’s drumming can be heard regularly at sound check.  He is the sole reason I wanted to play drums in the first place and the Beatles are without question my favorite band of all time and the primary reason that I love rock and roll.

So, you know, no big deal.

SG

Dear Steve,

Where ya been??!?

Thank you, in advance, for your timely response.

Best,

Jill

Jill

Much like Johnny Cash, I’ve been everywhere, man, I’ve been everywhere.

I can’t guarantee that I won’t forget a town or two, and I might get a few out of order – but to the best of my recollection – since 1990 I’ve been to Los Angeles, Anaheim, Ventura, Tijuana, Las Vegas, Phoenix, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Murfreesboro, Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, Hickory, Norfolk, Saratoga Springs, Baltimore, Washington DC, NYC, Syracuse, Providence, Brooklyn, Boston, Portland, Toronto, Cleveland, Roseville, Chicago, Minneapolis, Denver, Salt Lake City, Oakland, West Hollywood, Columbus, Cleveland, Toronto, Cambridge, Pittsburgh, Allentown, Poughkeepsie, New Haven, Portland, Boston, NYC, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Raleigh, Boone, Savannah, Orlando, Ft. Lauderdale, Tampa, Montgomery, Houston, Dallas, San Antonio, Dallas, Phoenix, San Diego, Ventura, Laandgraaf, Amsterdam, London, Walsall, Birmingham, Newcastle, Glasgow, Nottingham, Manchester, London, Bethlehem, Middletown, Moosic, NYC, Old Orchard Beach, Bristol, Mansfield, Boston, Saratoga Springs, Syracuse, Toronto, Rochester, Cheektowaga, Cuyahoga Falls, Kalamazoo, Charlevoix, Roseville, Peoria, Omaha, Bonner Springs, Wichita, Norman, OKC, Dallas, St. Louis, Cincinnati, Champaign, Tinley Park, East Troy, Columbus, Burgettstown, Philadelphia, East Rutherford, Norfolk, Landover, Ocean City, Winnipeg, Saskatoon, Regina, Edmonton, Calgary, Vancouver, Concord, Paso Robles, Costa Mesa, Sacramento, Mountain View, Reno, Salt Lake City, Englewood, Atlantic City, Dallas, Houston, Omaha, Sioux Falls, Minneapolis, Peoria, Cedar Rapids, Hamilton, Philadelphia, Winston Salem, Charlotte, Atlanta, Chapel Hill, Roanoke, Hampton, Morrison, Atlanta, Salt Lake City, Salem, Seattle, Victoria, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, Winnipeg, St. Joseph, Bloomington, Rosemont, Kentwood, London, Toronto, Montreal, Ottawa, Binghamton, Worcester, Hampton, Richmond, Morgantown, Greensboro, Greenville, Charlotte, Columbia, St. Petersburg, Orlando, Miami, Birmingham, New Orleans, Dallas, San Antonio, Tempe, Universal City, San Jose, Oakland, San Juan Capistrano, Las Vegas, Pueblo, Tulsa, Springfield, St. Louis, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Toledo, Lakewood, NYC, Harrisburg, Asbury Park, Philadelphia, Poukeepsie, New Haven, Providence, Cohoes, Boston, Northhampton, Baltimore, Charlottesville, Charlotte, Winston Salem, Charleston, Richmond, NYC, Newark, Martinsburg, Norfolk, Raleigh, Atlanta, New Orleans, Memphis, Nashville, Louisville, Dayton, Charleston, Landover, Hartford, Worcester, Portland, Uniondale, NYC, Buffalo, Toledo, Mississauga, Albany, Providence, Hershey, Syracuse, Richfield, Rosemont, Indianapolis, Roseville, Auburn Hills, Bloomington, Carbondale, Chattanooga, Lexington, Cincinnati, Knoxville, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, NYC, Richmond, Hampton, Chapel Hill, Roanoke, Atlanta, NYC, Macon, Valdosta, Florance, Memphis, Birmingham, Savannah, Columbia, Sunrise, Orlando, Tampa, Jacksonville, Pensacola, Nashville, Chicago, Milwaukee, Davenport, Omaha, Kansas City, OKC, Dallas, Houston, Lubbock, Albuquerque, Denver, Richland, Portland, Spokan, Seattle, San Francisco, San Jose, Davis, Santa Barbara, Fresno, San Diego, Mesa, Tuscon, Los Angeles, London, Tipperary, Oslo, Hultsfred, Copenhagen, Helsinki, Stockholm, Derby, Utrecht, Brussels, Amsterdam, Munich, Basel, Hamburg, Berlin, Hannover, Nijmegen, Tilburg, Mainz, Gelsenkirchen, Augsburg, Ludwigshafen, Nurmeberg, Modena, Milan, Dortmund, Rotterdam, Vincennes, Luxembourg, London, Bristol, Birmingham, Manchester, Moscow, Oxford, London, Portsmouth, Cambridge, Newport, Newcastle, Liverpool, Glasgow, Aberdeenn, Edinburgh, Blackburn, Sheffield, Belfast, Dublin, London, Durham, Atlanta, Los Angeles, Tokyo, Sendai, Yokohama, Nagoya, Osaka, Brisbane, Newcastle, Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide, Christchurch, Wellington, Auckland, Minneapolis, Omaha, Kansas City, St. Louis, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee, Chicago, Detroit, Indianapolis, Dayton, Cleveland, Columbus, Toronto, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Upper Darby, New Haven, Albany, NYC, Boston, Washington DC, Atlanta, Los Angeles, Roanoke, Richmond, Columbia, Knoxville, Charleston, Raleigh, Greensboro, Spartanburg, Sunrise, Orlando, Tampa, Pensacola, Starkville, Birmingham, Chattanooga, Nashville, Memphis, New Orleans, Tibideaux, Houston, Dallas, San Antonio, Mesa, San Diego, Los Angeles, Santa Barbara, Davis, Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, Concord, San Jose, Berlin, Hamburg, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Nuremberg, Munich, Stuttgart, Neu-Isenberg, Koln, Newport, Bradford, Manchester, Sheffield, Glasgow, Newcastle, Birmingham, London, Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Deinze, Glasgow, Paris, Barcelona, Madrid, NYC, Macon, Gainesville, Dothan, Jacksonville, Savannah, Jackson, Hammond, Little Rock, Houston, Austin, Shreveport, OKC, Tulsa, Des Moines, Madison, Dekalb, Marquette, East Lansing, Davenport, Champaign, Salina, St. Joseph, Springfield, Evansville, Carbondale, Cincinnati, Ft. Wayne, Toledo, Ann Arbor, Louisville (Sorry, Wegs! ) Rochester, Ithaca, Daytona Beach, Hampton, Hershey, Bethlehem, Old Brookville, Poughkeepsie, Syracuse, Burlington, Providence, Worcester, Portland, Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto, Kitchener, Sault Saint Marie, Thunder Bay, Winnipeg, Regina, Calgary, Edmonton, Spokane, Boise, Salt Lake City, Albuquerque, Tuscon, El Paso, Odessa, Amarillo, Erie, Springfield, New Haven, Hartford, Vienna, Nuremberg, Landgraaf, Odense, Glastonbury, Shuttorf, Lille, Rouen, Belfort, Torhout, Werchter, Amsterdam, Frauenfeld, Oslo, London, Stratford Upon Avon, Los Angeles, Memphis, Mountain View, Atlanta, NYC, London, Nashville, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston, Toronto, Detroit, Chicago, Minneapolis, San Jose, San Francisco, West Hollywood, Universal City, San Diego, Newport, Dublin, Belfast, Glasgow, Manchester, Wolverhampton, Groningen, Hannover, Offenbach, Ludwigsburg, Munich, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Oslo, Berlin, Hamburg, London, Portsmouth, Nottingham, Sheffield, Koln, Paris, Brussels, Rotterdam, Zurich, Sesto San Giovannni, Toulon, Barcolona, Madrid, St. Paul, Milwaukee, Indianapolis, St. Louis (NEED VIDEO) Des Moines, Chicago, Toledo, Cleveland, Buffalo, Toronto, NYC, Boston, Detroit, Upper Darby, New Haven, Fairfax, Pensacola, Tampa, Gainesville, Sunrise, Nashville, Atlanta, Birmingham, Fort Mill, Knoxville, Memphis, New Orleans, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Little Rock, Tulsa, OKC, Kansas City, Denver, Salt Lake City, LA, Santa Barbara, Mesa, San Diego, Berkeley, Monterey, Las Vegas, Glastonbury, Frankfurt, Erlangen, Stockholm, Roskilde, Munich, Linz, Kristiansand, Utrecht, Weert, Turku, London, Glasgow, Sheffield, Vigo, Zaragoza, San Sebastian, Gijon, Lisbon, Montelier, Basel, Maryland Heights, Noblesville, Burgettstown, Columbus, Wantagh, Old Orchard Beach, Stanhope, Mansfield, Saratoga Springs, Hartford, Cincinnati, Tinley Park, Milwaukee, Clarkston, Somerset, Philadelphia, Bristow, Raleigh, Atlanta, Dallas, Austin, Carson, Mountain View, Atlanta, Sao Paulo, Vina Del Mar, Buenos Aries, Rio De Janiero, Atlanta, Devore, Las Vegas, Rochester Hills, Minneapolis, Chicago, Gardner, Mansfield, Asbury Park, Washington DC, NYC, Berkeley, Reno, Portland, Seattle, Vancouver, Salt Lake City, Denver, Boulder, St. Louis, Kansas City, Cincinnati, Chicago, Indianapolis, Milwaukee, Columbus, South Bend, Cleveland, Albany, Syracuse, Toronto, Detroit, Montreal, Pittsburgh, Plattsburgh, Durham, Boston, Wallingford, NYC, Amherst, Providence, Upper Darby, Washington Dc, Norfolk, Essen, Hilversum, London, Richmond, Charlotte, Raleigh, Atlanta, Pensacola, Sunrise, Jacksonville, St. Petersburg, Little Rock, Tulsa, Lafayette, Dallas, Austin, Phoenix, Los Angeles, San Diego, Las Vegas, Bristol, Leeds, Glasgow, Wolverhampton, Cambridge, Southhampton, Hannover, Munster, Hamburg, Copenhagen, Oslo, Stockholm, Berlin, Prague, Budapest, Viennna, Ljubijana, Milan, Barcelona, Madrid, Pamplona, Lyon, Stuttgart, Munich, Neu-Isenburg, Amsterdam, Koln, Paris, Brussels, London, Sheffield, Manchester, Newport, Dublin, West Palm Beach, Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, Virginia Beach, Bristow, Camden, Scranton, Mansfield, Queens, Agawam, Saratoga Springs, Darien Lake, Toronto, Hershey, Columbus, Clarkston, Burgettstown, Cincinnati, East Troy, Tinley Park, Maryland Heights, Noblesville, Somerset, Englewood, Portland, Mountain View, Irvine, NYC, New Haven, Portland, Lowell, Hampton Beach, Northhampton, Hyannis, Sugarbush, Seabright, Winston-Salem, Athens, Orlando, Tampa, Sunrise, New Orleans, Shreveport, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, Jacksonville, Fort Myers, Wilmington, Cleveland, Columbus, Detroit, Cincinnati, Fort Wayne, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Washington DC, Aspen, Bloomington, Grand Rapids, Indianapolis, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Des Moines, Columbia, St. Louis, Tinley Park, NYC, Houston, Northhampton UK, London, Glasgow, Manchester, Amsterdam, Paris, Koln, Copenhagen, Hamburg, Munich, Milan, Madrid, Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Fresno, Sacramento, San Diego, Tuscon, Scottsdale, Hollywood, Atlanta, Raleigh, Myrtle Beach, Reading, NYC, Toronto, Brussels, Madrid, Paris, Stockholm, Milan, Rome, Tokyo, Miami, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, St. Louis, Chicago, Grand Rapids, Akron, New Orleans, Detroit, Columbus, Cincinnati, Boston, NYC, Toronto, Geneva, Lexington, Philadelphia, Carlisle, Albany, Wallingford, Waterville, Uncasville, New Brunswick, Greenville, Greensboro, Columbia, Norfolk, Charlotte, Augusta, Lake Buena Vista, Sunrise, Tampa, Tulsa, Little Rock, Evansville, Knoxville, Atlanta, Birmingham, New Orleans, Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Houston, Irvine, San Francisco, San Diego, Phoenix, Los Angeles, Denver, Atlanta, San Antonio, Houston, Bonner Springs, Maryland Heights, Noblesville, Chicago, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Columbus, Nashville, Charlotte, Raleigh, Pittsburgh, Detroit, Bristow, Camden, Mansfield, Wantagh, Holmdel, Stockholm, Hamburg, Munich, Nuremberg, Munich, Linz, Zurich, Luxembourg, Koln, London, Brussels, Paris, Frankfurt, Nijmegen, Blelefeld, Erfurt, Ringe, Belfort, Monza, Naples, Rome, Barcelona, Madrid, Lisbon, Amsterdam, Nottingham, Dublin, Manchester, London, Mt. Fuji, East Rutherford, NYC, Worcester, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, San Francisco, Charleston, Tinley Park, Auburn Hills, Burgettstown, Milwaukee, Holmdel, Mansfield, Raleigh, Bristow, Camden, Wantagh, NYC, Albuquerque, NYC, Washington DC., NYC, Las Vegas, Austin, London, Myrtle Beach, Knoxville, Charlotte, Zephyr HIlls, Orlando, West Palm Beach, Atlanta, Nashville, Memphis, NYC, Las Vegas, Santa Barbara, Los Angeles, Denver, St. Paul, Tinley Park, Toronto, Cuyahoga Falls, Foxboro, Wallingford, Camden, Noblesville, Clarkston, Darien Lake, Columbia, NYC, Mansfield, Wohlen, Oberhausen, Amsterdam, Berlin, Munich, Nuremberg, Werchter, Hamburg, Stockholm, Oslo, Odense, Erfurt, Brescia, Montreux, Paris, Weert, Derby, Wolverhampton, Glasgow, London, Cardiff, Tokyo, Nagoya, Fukuoka, Osaka, Green Bay, Fargo, Nampa, Spokane, Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, Las Vegas, San Diego, Sun City West, Tuscon, Farmington, Austin, Dallas, NYC, Poughkeepsie, University Park, Atlantic City, Providence, West Springfield, Asbury Park, Glens Falls, Chicago, Rockford, Minneapolis, Madison, Columbus, Ypsilanti, Milwaukee, Davenport, Kansas City, St. Louis, Athens, Atlanta, Raleigh, Sunrise, Sarasota, Tupelo, New Orleans, NYC, Boston, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Chicago, Toronto, Boston, NYC, Lyon, Strasbourg, Berlin, Hamburg, Cologne, Paris, Bordeaux, Barcelona, Madrid, Milan, Moden, Zurich, Munich, Brussels, Amsterdam, Dublin, Belfast, Hull, Newcastle, Sheffield, Hull (again!) Exeter, Plymouth, Nottingham, Birmingham, Manchester, Glasgow, Aberdeen, Boston, Minneapolis, Portland, Vancouver, San Diego, Salt Lake City, Boulder, Chicago, London, Cardiff, Washington DC, Norfolk, Philadelphia, Rochester, Toronto, Montreal, Boston, NYC, Hartford, Portland, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Detroit, Chicago, Minneapolis, Vermillion, Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, Denver, Lawrence, St. Louis, Los Angeles, Anaheim, London, Gent, Frankfurt, Tilburg, Lille, Paris, Rouen, Toulouse, Madrid, Barcelona, Nashville, Orlando, Tampa, Miami, Atlanta, Kansas City, St. Louis, Hershey, London, Fairfax, Pittsburgh, Milwaukee, Indianapolis, Moline, Columbus, Buffalo, Scranton, Milan, Copenhagen, Hamburg, London, Isle of Wight, Madrid, Barcelona, Amsterdam, Vienna, Prague, Frankfurt, Bonn, Uster, Edinburgh, Manchester, Atlanta, Boston, Hampton Beach, Montreal, Toronto, Norfolk, Charlotte, Pensacola, Ft. Lauderdale, Orlando, Indianapolis, Little Rock, Montgomery, Estero, West Palm Beach, Tamps, Manchester, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, Camden, Mansfield, Birmingham, Wantagh, Holmdel, Hartford, Darien Lake, Grand Rapids, Cleveland, Milwaukee, Sioux City, Maryland Heights, Bonner Springs, Tulsa, Antioch, Lansing, Tinley Park, Cadott, Des Moines, Clarkston, Noblesville, Detroit Lakes, Scranton, Columbus, Columbia, Mansfield, Saratoga Springs, Atlantic City, San Francisco, Osaka, Tokyo, Morrison, Chula Vista, Devore, Reno, Marysville, Berkeley, Henderson, Morrison, George, Long Beach, Telluride, Phoenix, Tuscon, OKC, Grand Prairie, Austin, Huntsville, Birmingham, Upper Darby, Lexington, Washington, DC, Nashville, Memphis, Minneapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City, Magna, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Denver, Detroit, Milwaukee, Chicago, Springfield, Providence, NYC, Orlando, Myrtle Beach, Asheville, Sunrise, Atlanta, London, Amsterdam, Scottsdale, Bakersfield, Pozo, Victoria, Vancouver, Kamloops, Calgary, Edmonton, Winnipeg, Thunder Bay, London, Ottawa, Toronto, Johnson City, Mt. Pleasant, Des Moines, South Bend, Louisville, Hampton Beach, Seattle, Ridgefield, Marysville, LA, Las Vegas, San Diego, Mountain View, Maryland Heights, Chicago, Pittsburgh, Nashville, Birmingham, Dallas, Houston, Austin, Atlanta, Tampa, West Palm Beach, Charlotte, Raleigh, Norfolk, Masontown, Atlantic City, Uncasville, Wantagh, Gifford, Holmdel, Mansfield, Clarkston, Cleveland, Philadelphia, Saratoga Springs, Columbus, Milwaukee, Indianapolis, Cincinnati, Somerset, Sturgis, Jackson Hole, Billings, Morrison, Richmond, Reading, Charlottesville, Raleigh, Providence, Syracuse, Washington, DC, East Lansing, Milwaukee, Davenport, Sioux City, Fargo, Kansas City, Council Bluff, Flagstaff, Lake Havasu, Morongo, Fresno, Santa Cruz, Kelseyville, Atlanta, New Orleans, Charenton, San Antonio, Las Vegas, Chicago, South Burlington, Rochester, Worcester, Buffalo, Baltimore, Sayreville, Lake Castaic, Jackson, LA, Aspen, Interlochen, Milwuakee, Chicago, Oshkosh, San Francisco, Bethlehem, Glen Allen, Ashburn, Baltimore, NYC, Canton, Atlantic City, Hyannis, Northampton, Danbury, Portland, Myrtle Beach, Knoxville, Orlando, Boca Raton, Atlanta, Orange Beach, Nashville, Rockford, Kansas City, Ft. Worth, Houston, Austin, Oklahoma City, Santa Fe, Morrison, Telluride, Bend, Portland, Eugene, Seattle, Boise, Oakland, Reno, LA, San Diego, Las Vegas, Anaheim, Pozo, Minneapolis, Chicago, St. Louis, Memphis, Cincinnati, Louisville, Asheville, Dallas, Bossier City, New Orleans, NYC, Philadelphia,  Sayreville, NYC, Boston, Chicago, Owensboro, Atlanta, San Francisco, LA, Byron Bay, Perth, Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney, Wollongong, Canberra, New Castle, Auckland, London, Amsterdam, Salmanaca, Laughlin, Stateline, Valley Center, West Palm Beach, Memphis, Norman, Thackerville, Addison, Chattanooga, St. Louis, Hershey, Hampton Beach, Philadelphia, Charlottesville, Jim Thorpe, Ottawa, Sarnia, Toronto, Winnipeg, Edmonton, Calgary, Commerce City, Kansas City, Tulsa, St. Louis, Elizabeth, Grand Rapids, Cleveland, Bridgeport, Newport, Vienna, Pittsburgh, Covington, Columbus, East Troy, Wichita, Fayetteville, Council Bluffs, Jackson Hole, Milwaukee, St. Paul, Victoria, Vancouver, Portland, Jacksonville, Puyallup, Arcata, Alpharetta, Richmond, Atlantic City, Albany, Northampton, Providence, Portland, Boston, Buffalo, Burlington, Washington DC, NYC, Charlotte, Raleigh, Clearwater, Orlando, Miami Beach, St. Augustine, Birmingham, Nashville, New Orleans, Houston, Dallas, Austin, Chicago, Detroit, Milwaukee, Fargo, Minneapolis, Des Moines, Denver, San Francisco, Macon, Woodstock, Amsterdam, Vittoria, London, Biloxi, Enterprise, Ozark, Hampton Beach, Fredericton, Rothbury, Columbus, Des Moines, Kansas City, Minneapolis, Louisville, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Kettering, Waukesha, Hammond, Buffalo, Tulsa, Robinsonville, Vienna, Hyannis, Boston, Atlantic City, Baltimore, Lancaster, NYC, Westbury, Asbury Park, Va. Beach, Bridgeport, Jim Thorpe, Utica, Rama, London, Ont., Providence, Burlington, Kingston, Oklahoma City, Huntsville, Nashville, Oxford, Knoxville, Charlotte, Asheville, Atlanta, Myrtle Beach, Pompano Beach, Clearwater, Lake Buena Vista, New Orleans, Birmingham, Austin, Houston, Dallas, Bossier City, Beaumont, El Paso, Phoenix, Grand Rapids, Chicago, Milwaukee, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Denver, Beaver Creek, Salt Lake City, Seattle, Portland, Reno, San Diego, LA, Las Vegas, and San Francisco.

Why do you ask?

SG

Steve,

I recently purchased a 22″ A custom ping ride. Sounds killer.  Thank you for the inspiration. I was wondering if and how you muffle your ride cymbal. Do you just leave the cymbal stock? Lay some duct

tape on it? A moongel on the bottom? Thanks and looking forward to the next SF fillmore run.

Brian

Brian

I unwrap it, place it on a cymbal stand, and start smacking it with a drum stick.  If I don’t like the sound, I hit it harder.  Works every time.

Don’t over think this stuff, man.

Your sound is your sound.

Let the cymbal be the cymbal.

You know….all that zen bullshit.

SG

Steve,

My question is simple. When will we see the Black Crowes back in Australia?

JC

JC

Just as soon as we get there, my man.  Honest!

SG

Dear Steve,

Love the Crowes, and really enjoy the wit and wisdom of WWWS.

I have, however, a two-part question of global, some might even claim biblical, proportions.

1) If any other player but Thierry Henry touches the ball does the ref call the French side for a handball?

2) What punishment will the football gods deliver unto said French national team…plagues…boils…a loss to South Africa…another Bush in the White House?

I know, these are weighty questions. But if any drummer in the world has the answers, its you!

Thanks in advance,

Roger

Roger

Thank you for your support of both the band’s music and of my higher calling.

Weighty questions indeed, but as I have spent the last few months in deep contemplation of this incident, I have no trouble offering my thoughts.

1)  No.  Henry wasn’t given preferential treatment.  The referee was obviously incapable of calling such an important match loaded with so many international implications.  Henry, or anyone else, could have dribbled it like a basketball and the ref wouldn’t have made the call.  (Oh wait, he actually did dribble it like a basketball… okay, well, point proven.)  Anyway, the ref found himself out of position at clutch time and that is unforgivable in such a crucial match.

2)  The Football Gods will deliver no punishment unto said French National Team, as no punishment is due.  Players play, and refs ref.  Again, this was a ref’s mistake, not a player’s mistake.

However, I believe you are on the right track with your question – you just have the wrong team in mind.

The question isn’t  “what will the Football Gods do to punish the French?” – it’s “what did the Irish do to receive such punishment from the Football Gods?”

Obviously, the Irish are guilty of some prior, unimaginably horrible crime against the beautiful game and this Henry handball incident was simply justice being brutally served in heart breaking fashion.  (What could this crime be, you ask?  Who knows?  The invention of and overwhelming passion for Gaelic Football, perhaps?  Hurling?  No idea – your guess is as good as mine.)

Now, I know some people will be greatly offended by this theory.  Hell, I love a Guinness as much as the next guy and  I happen to be of just under 100% Irish heritage, so it’s not easy to say these things.  History shows, however, than whenever the opportunity arises, it’s best to play it safe and BLAME THE IRISH.  Don’t mess with this stuff, Roger.  It’s serious business.  Just to cover your bases, you might want to wager on the French this summer.  I’m just sayin’.

SG

Dear Steve,

I am a huge Black Crowes’ fan. I have seen the band over 50 times and also have had the pleasure to meet you once. When I did meet you I told you I was a drummer and that I enjoyed your drum parts, and you replied, “Why, because they’re easy?“

Anyway, my question/problem: I’m getting married on October 23rd and cannot convince my fiancee’ to have a Black Crowes’ song as our wedding song. My first attempt was, “The Last Place that Love Hides”, as out 1st dance; I told her that anger will never get rid of our love and that love is behind her eyes, but she looked at me like I was crazy.

So far, I think she’ll agree to “Remedy” being played when they introduce the wedding party, but I might have to wear a tutu on our honeymoon for that one.

Anyway, can you suggest a great wedding song for our first dance? Or can you help me convince her of what a great tune, “Love Hides” would be? She even denied, “Here, There, and Everywhere” by The Beatles. If not I’m stuck with, “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.”

Sincerely,

Deano the Drummer

Deano

You should have written before blowing your first (and best) shot on “The Last Place That Love Hides”.  You probably won’t have another chance to run that one up the flagpole now.

For starters, I could have informed you that the song is, in fact, called “The Last Place That Love Lives”. I don’t know if this minor detail would have helped, but I have to think that when describing the love upon which you are building a life together,  living beats hiding.

Even with the proper title in place, though, I am siding with your bride to be on this one.  There’s no good reason for you guys to dance to a sad and slow, albeit beautiful, dirge about a bizarre, hermitic woman with a fondness for shhhushing people who’s holed up in a mountain compound behind iron doors the size of grain silos as you are entering your new lives as husband and wife.

That’s not to say you should go with “I Don’t Want To Miss a Thing”, either.  I am sure we’ve all heard that song more than we ever needed to in the first place.  (Meaning, more than once.)

If I were you, I’d go in an entirely different direction, Deano.

Al Green, Marvin Gaye, Otis Redding….these men recorded dozens of slow, romantic tunes for the simple reason that husbands and wives always have to do that first dance and they are usually a little self conscious.  A grooving backbeat in straight time (very important to the average, rhythmically challenged couple) underneath timeless lyrics of love and respect sung with more soul than any current R&B singer could ever hope to summon in a lifetime?  Man, that’s wedding dance gold!

You give up the Crowes, she drops Aerosmith, you both dance down the tracks of the soul train- and you’ll thank me in the end.

To which, of course,  I’ll simply reply, “you’re welcome, Deano”.

SG

Steve

Been a long time fan of your band and I don’t miss a show when y’all come home to Atlanta for a show.

My question to you is I want to go on a guys trip to Las Vegas but I don’t know how to ask my wife.  One, she will want to go too and two, we just adopted a sweet baby girl and I feel bad about leaving two of the most precious things in my life behind for a weekend.  However, I need a getaway with life long friends of boozing, gambling, and fun.

What should I do?  Be a responsible husband and father and not go or work some kind of magic and go on this trip?  Thanks for the advice and can’t wait to the see The Black Crowes in Atlanta again soon.

Danny

Danny

Try something like this:

“Babe, remember when I stressed repeatedly throughout the very long and stressful adoptive process we just struggled through that I would always be a responsible and caring parent?  And that I understood our lives would be forever changed with a new set of priorities and obligations?

I still believe all those things, of course, but here’s the thing:  the guys are going to Vegas for the weekend and I think I should go.  I mean, just because we have the baby doesn’t mean our lives stop, does it?  She joined OUR lives, after all…

Anyway, I just need to blow off some steam.  You know, a fun weekend of drunken, reckless gambling wherein I tell every stripper I meet that I am a dad now!

God, I’ll miss you guys so much!”

I think you’ll be good to go.

SG

Hello Mr. Gorman,

Is it acceptable to have a ‘man-crush’ on a professional athlete? For

instance, I have an affinity for Mr. Derek Jeter and have thus become

confused. Is it wrong that i wish i was with him all the time? Is it wrong

that I say to myself , “I bet he looks great in a speedo”?

I think it might be. But i am not sure. Any help would be appreciated.

THANKS STEVE.

Peace,

Dave

Dave

Relax, Dave, no confusion necessary.  It’s perfectly acceptable, within the confines of your very active imagination, to have a “man crush” on Derek Jeter.   He’s the best of his generation – all that’s right about baseball – and if you must have this sort of fixation on someone, I think you’ve chosen well.

It might help you to know that I also was briefly fixated on Derek Jeter, back in the fall of 1996.  The Yankees had beaten both of my teams (Orioles and Braves) on their way to a championship, and like you now, I couldn’t get Jeter out of my mind.

Unlike you, though, I wasn’t picturing Derek in a speedo.  I was picturing him in an ambulance holding his knee screaming, “Why me?” a la Nancy Kerrigan.  Yes, Dave, I was actually considering going Gillooly on him.

As I watched Wade Boggs on that godforsaken horse trot around the House That Ruth Built, I recognized immediately and with a heavy heart that ‘96 was just the beginning of what was sure to be a dark chapter in my life.  What should have been the dawn of a bright and beautiful Atlanta Braves dynasty (tears are starting to well up as I write this) was showing itself instead to be a rebirth of the same old horrible, rotten Yankees dynasty.  It was too much to take.  And I blamed Jeter.  And, dammit, I still do.

But, and this is the most important part, Dave – this has all stayed well within the confines of my very active imagination.

No harm done.

Keep it to yourself, fella.

SG